Aspergers Syndrome: Quiet Vs Loud Aspies
When most people think of someone with aspergers syndrome, they think of a boy or man, someone who is socially awkward, shy and reclusive. This simply is not always true. People also think of someone quiet and reserved. This is qute common, yet not always true either.
This blog post is about quiet vs loud people with aspergers. I know what you may be thinking… someone with aspergers syndrome can’t possibly be outgoing? Well, maybe. But being loud doesn’t always mean outgoing.
I am a loud aspie. I say things at the wrong time. I say the wrong things. I cut people off because I don’t know when to join into conversations. I also make a fool of myself on a regular basis while trying to be funny. Yikes!
For example, a quiet aspie will not join into a conversation, and would rather take the back seat. Perhaps not add an opinion out of fear of it being thought of as stupid, or simply being shy. But shy doesn’t aways equal aspie. You can have aspergers and be completely un shy, and completely socially inappropriate at the same time.
I mean when are you supposed to join into a conversation? I always try to join one at exactly the same time as someone else speaks. I blurt out stuff without thinking, and only when everyone laughs at me or looks at e strangely do I realise that what I have said is utterly stupid.
Worse yet, is when you blurt out something offensive, either not knowing it is, or trying to be funny. I am extremely guily of this. Extremely.
Being a loud aspie may make you seem like you’re the life of the party when everyone is drunk, but the fact you can’t just sit down and shut up in the work place or quiet social settings is a real pain.
I was shy as a kid. Then I grew out of it and over compensated for it. Maybe I am just trying to hard to fit in? Check out the following video I made on the issue for more information. 
July 11th, 2011 at 10:37 pm
Hi and congratulations on bringing about aspie awareness. I have a 9yr old son with Aspergers. He is a loud aspie for sure and he tends to overreact to most situations. It gets him into trouble at school. He probably inherited this from his mum as I am very chatty and extroverted. Like you, my son also has a beautiful face. He is currently feeling isolated at school and to make matters worse the one person in his class he considered to be his closest friend did not invite him to his birthday party! I even told this boys mum that my son has aspergers during a playdate at our house(a play date that was not reciprocated!!) I thought telling her would help my sons friendship flourish….not in this case. How do you handle telling people about your aspergers-does it help or do they run the other way/react negatively.
July 31st, 2011 at 1:06 am
hi, i guess i would be considered a loud aspie as well. I get embarrassed all the time for saying ridiculuos things when i’m just trying to blend in. I also whish I was a quiet aspie, but when I am quiet I am looked at as an elitist, so either way I fail. I am glad I found this video randomly today. It’s tough!
August 21st, 2011 at 12:36 am
Heya.
I’ve got Aspergers myself and was just browsing the web out of curiosity, and came across this site!
I know exactly what you mean about quiet vs loud. I think everyone starts out as a quiet Aspie. I always was. I was home-schooled and for the six years I was taught by my Mum (who also helped manage my Aspergers) I used instant messaging as main – or only – source of outside communication with the world. I loved it, because I didn’t have to talk. There was no one in front of me to put me off, no rules of speech, no social panic attacks… In text, I could be who I wanted to be!
When I turned 16 and finished Education (As we do in England) I forced myself to go to College. It was the best move I ever made. I used to use anger and aggression to convert my fear into something useful, and so I didn’t feel so weak; but soon learnt that actually, with some concentration, I could do this. I watched people and learnt from them;
and, became a loud Aspie. XD I still have my mistakes, and still trip over my tongue when I’m face to face with someone I don’t know; but, the dream is out there!
August 28th, 2011 at 11:36 am
Hi Fiona,
Well I came across the site after… um, it’s a long story but I’m realizing that much of my life runs parallel to Aspergers and I’m 29 but undiagnosed until I can find a place in my small town I live in to sort me out. I always felt different but in large groups I’m very quiet due to too much going on to keep track of any one portion of the conversation. Or simply some of it is just being emotionally exhausted from the whole ordeal to even speak. I’m usually wiped out in a group setting about 30 minutes in and I’ll sneak away for a nap. When it comes to one on one, if I have something to say, I cut everyone off at completely the wrong time or I’ll go on a rant for 10 minutes about something completely uninteresting to most people. Luckily most of the people I bore with these drawn out explanations are my siblings so they are used to it. My mom recently will request a short version of some question she asks well knowing that I can’t do it but I sure do try. At any rate, love the site and I’m glad there’s someone out there writing and videoing information about their lives with AS it’s very informative and there’s not much out there that isn’t the same info over and over again.
September 15th, 2011 at 9:14 am
I enjoy it when I am loud and obnoxious. If I had the ability and confidence I would do that all the time.
But I am a quiet Aspie. It’s hard for me to get up the confidence and I’m not very good at coming up with things on the spot like that.
It sucks that all the stuff about social skills is geared towards trying to impress everybody.
I want to learn social skills to use them for personal enjoyment, for the hanging out and talking and just having a good time aspect more than anything else. I’m already set as far as future success. It sucks that I see all this fun going on around me, realize how much more happiness I would be having if I was good at it.
It’s hard for anyone to understand. I read somewhere online most people only think they can tell what will make them happy, but my own personal experiences have already shown me that I’m an exception to this rule. I’m basically a utilitarian calculator. My mind can look at something and tell roughly how much positiveness or negativeness it would bring me, and then I suffer knowing about the positiveness I’m not getting and always stress myself trying to improve my life to bring myself and those around me better positiveness and then I burnout and can’t do anything. This applies to past and future things as well, so I always know if doing something different could’ve(or would’ve) lead to a more positive outcome. I can do this for other individuals and even society though only with what ever information I have and this ability has lead to an interest in political theory. I have never met anyone who has as detailed thoughts on politics as I do.
I actually hate being complemented for being quiet. It makes me feel like if I learn to do these things and do them people will think I’m just trying to fit in, or they’ll dislike me because their expectations of my behavior are too high.
September 15th, 2011 at 9:20 am
If in the future because I learn this stuff late I can’t find any social outlet for this(now I’m in college so if I was better at it the outlet is available, this has actually increased my desire to remain in college as long as I can) I would literally hire servants to role play these desires. I feel like this is that important to me.
September 17th, 2011 at 5:34 am
I’m definitely a quiet aspie. I don’t jump in and join conversations right away and it takes me a while to form friendships. I’d also much rather be in the background than center stage. I guess I could also consider myself a quiet aspie in the sense that I don’t like dirty behaviors such as sexually explicit media, drinking, smoking, etc.
September 21st, 2011 at 11:13 am
I just ran across this video and can relate to the loud aspie thru my 20′s but now I am one of the quiet aspies in my 30′s. I love the site….keep up the good work.
September 21st, 2011 at 11:17 am
I was a loud aspie in my 20s but I’m now a quiet aspie in my 30s. I love the site….keep up the good work.