But I am a quiet Aspie. It’s hard for me to get up the confidence and I’m not very good at coming up with things on the spot like that.

It sucks that all the stuff about social skills is geared towards trying to impress everybody.
I want to learn social skills to use them for personal enjoyment, for the hanging out and talking and just having a good time aspect more than anything else. I’m already set as far as future success. It sucks that I see all this fun going on around me, realize how much more happiness I would be having if I was good at it.

It’s hard for anyone to understand. I read somewhere online most people only think they can tell what will make them happy, but my own personal experiences have already shown me that I’m an exception to this rule. I’m basically a utilitarian calculator. My mind can look at something and tell roughly how much positiveness or negativeness it would bring me, and then I suffer knowing about the positiveness I’m not getting and always stress myself trying to improve my life to bring myself and those around me better positiveness and then I burnout and can’t do anything. This applies to past and future things as well, so I always know if doing something different could’ve(or would’ve) lead to a more positive outcome. I can do this for other individuals and even society though only with what ever information I have and this ability has lead to an interest in political theory. I have never met anyone who has as detailed thoughts on politics as I do.

I actually hate being complemented for being quiet. It makes me feel like if I learn to do these things and do them people will think I’m just trying to fit in, or they’ll dislike me because their expectations of my behavior are too high.

Well I came across the site after… um, it’s a long story but I’m realizing that much of my life runs parallel to Aspergers and I’m 29 but undiagnosed until I can find a place in my small town I live in to sort me out. I always felt different but in large groups I’m very quiet due to too much going on to keep track of any one portion of the conversation. Or simply some of it is just being emotionally exhausted from the whole ordeal to even speak. I’m usually wiped out in a group setting about 30 minutes in and I’ll sneak away for a nap. When it comes to one on one, if I have something to say, I cut everyone off at completely the wrong time or I’ll go on a rant for 10 minutes about something completely uninteresting to most people. Luckily most of the people I bore with these drawn out explanations are my siblings so they are used to it. My mom recently will request a short version of some question she asks well knowing that I can’t do it but I sure do try. At any rate, love the site and I’m glad there’s someone out there writing and videoing information about their lives with AS it’s very informative and there’s not much out there that isn’t the same info over and over again.

I know exactly what you mean about quiet vs loud. I think everyone starts out as a quiet Aspie. I always was. I was home-schooled and for the six years I was taught by my Mum (who also helped manage my Aspergers) I used instant messaging as main – or only – source of outside communication with the world. I loved it, because I didn’t have to talk. There was no one in front of me to put me off, no rules of speech, no social panic attacks… In text, I could be who I wanted to be!

When I turned 16 and finished Education (As we do in England) I forced myself to go to College. It was the best move I ever made. I used to use anger and aggression to convert my fear into something useful, and so I didn’t feel so weak; but soon learnt that actually, with some concentration, I could do this. I watched people and learnt from them;
and, became a loud Aspie. XD I still have my mistakes, and still trip over my tongue when I’m face to face with someone I don’t know; but, the dream is out there!