Trade...tell me why you think you can't do something..I'll tell you why you can!

[Shiroi Tora]

What's more...I will tell you how...(emoticon demonstrating Arrogance goes here).

Sorry...I am a cross between a hopeless Optimist and a Pragmatic Realist.

What I have is life experience...I've been in many situations...I've seen others who have gone through truly hellacious conditions and yet had worked their way up...I've seen others who were on top of the world...yet had thrown it all away.

I have always been an observer of human nature.  I've seen correlations among people and their actions/reactions...and I have seen the results played out time and again.

I, too, have had to make decisions in life that, had I not done the right thing, would have ruined my life.

I lend the experience gathered from our dealings with our Aspie son...and other Aspie children who were in our program and who lived nearby.


Please don't fall into the fallacy of having to be something in order to understand which is the right path to take...just as you can know when you have been on a bad flight and you are not a pilot...or when you are having trouble with your car...you needn't know how to tear down an engine when the battery needs to be replaced or that the belts are slipping and so not allowing the alternator to charge the battery.

Yes...it is easy to give advice....however...I have lived a good life...and I have nothing but better coming my way because I have followed core principles in my life.  I do know suffering...I know what it is to be dead tired...cold...hungry...scared to death.  

Besides...what harm would come from a lesson you could easily discard as hokum?  What great investment would you lose by posting a reply to this?  Give me a shot...I am a teacher at heart (I did some teaching earlier in my life).

One note...my sleep schedule is opposite most in the US.  I just retired from a job where I worked nights 6 PM till 6 AM...I still sleep days.  I am not ignoring you should I not answer right away...when I awaken and finish up with my daily activities...I am on from sometime after midnight PST till at least 9 am or so.  If I am offline...my e-mail notifies me of a reply.  Lets get this forum re-actived.  Let the comments begin!

[Sydney]

talk easy like other people. I have had years of spech lange theripy. I have a lot of trouble speaking. when I am strsed I can not speak at all. it is fustrating.

[Shiroi Tora]

Please remember that what I offer... is my un-professional opinion.

As I don't know if your problem is...just by you saying that when under pressure it gets worse...tells me that at least a part of it is psychological.

I also don't know if the problem is annunciation...stuttering...inability to pronounce certain sounds...etc.

Please give me more information.

[Sydney]

I have verbal apraxia.

[Shiroi Tora]

Sorry for the late reply...I've only just awakened.  My son also had verbal Apraxia.  At 3 yrs. old he was given full time in house ABA therapy (35-40 hrs a week).  They worked on all of his issues on an almost daily basis.  They did a fantastic job.  Although I am sure my son's apraxia was not so severe as yours...the idea of therapy is valid.  You said you had speech therapy.  Verbal Apraxia is neurologically based.  This can be good as this means that with appropriate work...far more than you were given...that some rewiring of the brain can still take place...as in someone who is debilitated by a stroke and they have to learn how to walk or talk again.  We are talking many hours of daily practice. 

As I don't pretend to know more than what you already should...I can only say that not all cases can be fully erased (as in my son's case...his is gone completely).  The resolution, or greatly mitigated symptoms, of your case could lie in the quantity of quality therapy. 

The more that your neural pathways are stimulated...the stronger the connections shall form.  The fact that you can talk suggests that some of your pathways were either not strongly connected or not enough of the connections were there to begin with. It is also thought that the coordination of commands from the brain to the appropriate muscles are jumbled or even the brain itself being underdeveloped or damaged. It doesn't matter.  Through therapy...done at appropriate intensity (enough at one time) and for an appropriate number of repetitions...new connections can be made, and in the right order.  The brain is plastic at any age...just more so during childhood...but plastic enough to relearn almost anything at any age.

I am no therapist.  However, feedback of your speech (what you say vs what you wish to say) will allow you to make corrections.  One way could be the use of either a mirror or a video camera.  A mirror has the advantage of immediate feedback and, of course, lower cost.
I don't know if all of your speech is affected or just certain sounds...you could start out with phonics.  There is another technique used with speech therapy...it is song therapy.  The brain seems to process music...even sung...in a different part of the brain.  There has been shown to have carry over effect.  Learning how to sing (vocal coach) could also be fun.  As with any skill...it must be a solid commitment to hours of daily practice.  However...remember...you are in essence cutting a new record (hey...I was born in the 1950s .  Should the practice not be correct...you will be learning incorrectly.  Take it slowly...produce correct sounds...do it hundreds of times...daily. 

Remember...it will take tremendous effort on your part.  Research online some speech therapy to do at home.  Practice in front of a mirror (a hand held would afford you the most comfort)...start out very slowly and on the basics...strive for correct sounds.  Don't move on until a particular area has been mastered.  You will be able to later start reading aloud from books.

Hope this helps...remember...as with anything...it is the actual doing of something that causes most people to hesitate...and to eventually quit.  Solid daily practice is the only way for you to improve.  However, with it...I cannot see how you could fail.

[bucephalus]

Well I am a big can of worms to say the least.   I got a degree in Music Technology at uni (graduated in 2008) and never really pursued it.  I carried on my student job in a pizzarea and have now been working for the company for seven years, (now in management).  I don't know what I want to do anymore as my confidence has dropped a bit.  Although I am in a band and write my own material I feel very rusty in the sound engineering department.  I have recently developed interest in care work but I don't know where to start with that one

[Shiroi Tora]

I don't understand the term care work.  You said you have recently developed interest in it.  Is it a viable long term profession?  The only person that can help you is you.  You must know what you want to do.  Are you to pursue an unrealizable dream...one where it is not based on reality?

Are you to not extend yourself further in University to make a different career a plausibility?  Have you explored all of your options?  While you are still young...you are closing in upon your event horizon...the point of no return...the point where you must really decide which long term career you shall enter.  The longer you stay out of the serious job market (one that you can work up to a retireible age and actually retire in comfort....and one where you may raise a family well on)...the greater the chance of never getting into one.  

With every person...there is a point where the person either decides what they wish to do in life and work towards it...chase it relentlessly...a great cruise ship on the ocean of life....or he chooses (by not choosing) to be the proverbial cork in the ocean at the mercy of the tides, winds and waves of life...never in control...never knowing when and where he shall make landfall...if ever.  Always being rained upon by the seabirds in life...the gathering of sea life below, ever slowing his already meaningless transit.

What differentiates the cruise ship from the cork:  

The dream:  The desire to do a particular thing in life...his mission...his direction...his compass...his rudder.

The passion and resulting drive:  The fuel feeding the engines of his ship...the greater the passion...the greater the resulting drive...the quicker the transit.

The knowledge of the options in life:  The captain plots the most efficient and effective course to reach his destination.  He must know his ship...the waters surrounding his landfall...knowing where the sandbars and rocks which threaten the safe passage are.  

Know what you wish to do...what it takes to get there...structure your life so it can be done...do it...never give up.  Be willing to do anything, go anywhere, make whatever sacrifices necessary to achieve your goals.  You must also look realistically at the destinations involved and must plot according to your provisions at hand...unless you may increase the amount of provisions (education...training)...then your travel radius is dictated by your limitation.

Right now...you seem to be limited by your dream...or lack of.  Perhaps you have not looked at ALL the plausible options...don't forget to weigh the financial gains long term against your desires for adventure and exploration.  The older you get...the less time you have for this.  

With the computer and the internet...you can find out all you need to know about what it takes to become a viable candidate for a certain field.  Look at yourself in a realistic mirror...anything lacking...shore up.  What you do not want to do...is set yourself up to be a cork in the ocean...you must chose...and work toward it.  Without the steady work toward your dreams...they will always be just that...dreams.  You are competing with all of those who want more out of life.  The most important aspect of anyone who is in a competition is the amount of drive.
Should you have any deficits...you may simply outwork your competitors.  Learn to play your strengths...capitalize upon them to your advantage.

While I don't know the specifics of your life...I don't need to...the advice applies to all...and all are subject to these.

[bucephalus]

That was a very good reply, my biggest problem has been in making a decision and this confirms that I need to keep working on whole decision thing

[zenemu]

I think the biggest sticking point here is change. Aspies have a natural resistance to change, because when  change occurs too quickly it can be extraordinarily stressful, upsetting and frustrating – things which we tend to experience with incredible intensity and have a great deal of trouble dealing with. Obviously you also have the issue of new people, and new environment and all the issues that go with that too.

Understanding that sometimes you need to put yourself into these situations in order to get what you want isn’t always a simple epiphany, but ultimately if you are going to get on, for better or worse you need to jump at opportunities and manage the symptoms as best as you can.

[Shiroi Tora]

Simple...no.  Necessary...yes. 

The biggest problem is almost always the application of any plan.

I have just finished a blog article on fear management...it goes well with this thread...and offers advice on how to be able to get to the point of functioning.  I use it with my Spectrum son...and they are the very same principles I have used throughout life...as well as many others have throughout their lives.  Basic common sense concepts.

http://2echild.blogspot.com/2011/05/home-schooling-life-skills-conquering.html

[Aspergers Girl]

err.

I can't ever be happy with my body. It's an obsession.

[Shiroi Tora]

err.

I can't ever be happy with my body. It's an obsession.

You shouldn't be happy with anything unless it leads you to true happiness.  If it, in anyway, holds you back or side tracks your efforts...and especially makes it impossible, correct it if it is possible...adapt if not.

If you mean the appearance of your body because of something that is basically unchangeable...such as your height...basic underlying bone structure...etc...then you must learn to adapt by increasing the positive aspects of your body that you can change.

If you mean you may not like your body fat ratio...if it is unhealthful...as high amounts are...then that is definitely something you can change.

A woman is at her most beautiful when she exudes health.  Women are supposed to have a healthful amount of subcutaneous fat - layered evenly throughout the body...however, not unhealthful amounts.  You definitely are NOT supposed to be skinny.  Aim for maximum health above all else.

Diet: Eat healthful foods and never eat a good 5-8 hours before bed...fast once a week..starting upon waking.  

http://2echild.blogspot.com/2010/11/home-schooling-health-corner-stone-of.html

Link from Science Daily - fasting

http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2011/04/110403090259.htm



Exercise:  Just once a week Squats or Deadlift...or better yet Trap Bar Deadlift - and low level aerobic activity everyday will keep the largest muscles of the body growing and the daily exercise will continue to burn fat.

The below link just gives you the basic idea of resistance training.  You would just need do 1 exercise...but it must be a major body exercise...either the Squat (In a power rack only)or the Deadlift (or Trap bar deadlift - the safest...the one I recommend for you...the one my son does at home...as pictured in the below link).  For a woman it is especially important for keeping your bone mass strong...as you will lose bone as you age.  You will not gain lots of mass with this ..you will, however, gain some weight in muscle...and lose greater amounts of fat.  Get a weight set for home.  If it is convenient...you will do it.

http://2echild.blogspot.com/2010/12/home-schooling-health-corner-stone-of.html

Aim to increase your poundage steadily.  The stronger muscles in the body will always need more calories to sustain themselves...combined with a healthful diet and moderate daily exercise (walking is good...make it fun..walk in a nice park or other area where you may enjoy beautiful scenery).  

I've seen your videos...you should have nothing to be unhappy about.  You have great natural beauty.  Many women would love to be in your shoes.  Don't obsess about your image...obsess about your health (I know...easy to say you may be thinking...but I do know about obsession...I had many obsessive / compulsive issues when I was younger...I redirected my compulsions and obsessions into physical training early in life).  I've done many physical things throughout my life...I've Powerlifted...run long distance (I've also run a Marathon in decent time...42 kilometers in under 3:30 without stopping once - not great...but I did it because I loved running and had set my two goals at that level)...I've won many physical contests in the Army and later in life in other sports.  I know exercise and the practical application of it in life.

Beauty should be a reflection of health and beyond that...a reflection of self...through grace.  Economical...efficient motion is graceful.  Try Tai Chi...it teaches very graceful motion and is very aerobic in nature (from as low a stance as you can - not standing high).  This alone will greatly lower your body fat...just 2-3 times a week at this  (take a class) would qualify for your aerobic needs.  You will find that it will also GREATLY improve your mood besides your grace.  Yes, I've taken Tai Chi also.  Now that I am retired...I shall be going back to it.  I love the way I feel for days afterward...You must try for low and slow motions...many practice their stances way to high...if you aren't sweating profusely in short order...you are standing too high.

With Physical/Mental health through Diet, Exercise (Resistance / Aerobic and Skill training), and appropriate amounts of deep rest...you can not help but be at your most beautiful.  From what I have seen...you don't have far to go.