Breakdown and bad medication

[bittersweet]

Past couple of weeks my life has totally came shattering down. At first i susspected somthing was wrong. Hence why i was comming on here. I been on propranolol and citalopram the past 9 months to treat my depression and anxitiy which was prescribed by my local gp. Had a rough last year being in jail. I have been waiting forever now see a member of the local mental health team and no sucess, and also recieve help for finding ways back into full time work. There was a kitchen placement working at a local cafe with people of the simmiler problems, aurtisim and aspergers, but i was refused funding, apparently i was "too higher functioning" didn't matter i wanted work and meet new friends like myself. I've broke up with my girlfriend of 5 years which was just the icing on the cake. I've just been a compleate mental rock, and since comming off these meds last week in my mental breakdown, reliesed i have been insensitive and neglectufl. But it's too late now. I am at a f***ing loss, and don't know what do, i'd appreicate anyones opinons. Ps got arrested and was in cop shop and court two days flat due breach of peace and putting my fist through a flat screen telly, just flipped out.

[Posh Peter]

If I ever saw you at church I would pray for you. People from my church pray for me, and I find it comforting.

[bittersweet]

Thanks peter. but really don't think there is a god, not right now.

[bittersweet]

You know something, i actually f***ing recent that comment. I suppose i have myself to blame bothering writting on here. Theres no real disscussion about having this f***ing disrupted condition makes you want kill yourself sumtimes. f*** god and any religion.

[MM]

Being a recovered alcoholic with a similar social condition to yourself I know that for a fact that living in self pity does you know good what so ever.  Even if your feeling miserable try to get out there and do something as its not going to do you any good moping about your home.  

[bittersweet]

Thanks that makes sense. Yes i'm a recovering conpulise gambler. so everything has been too much at one go. Just really hard to concertrait. I had a couple of good wee things going, just hard to make the break. Going sell alot of stuff on ebay later today.

[MM]

are you part of GA or gamblers anoynomous Check out meetings and keep going to them try to make mates with them people in 12 step fellowships are so much more accepting of each other and yes I am part of alcoholics anoymous but I give my higher power the credit for why I am sober today

[MM]

Hope things get better for you buddy

[bittersweet]

Thanks MM. well nearly a week now i've been going gym, and made steps to quit smoking, and not made a punt. Yes i was a member of GA. But for obviously reasons, i didnt feel comfortable telling them about my condition. Right now just trying channel my negitive thoughts through a actitvity that requires alot fo energy. I atleast got over the withdrawls of my medication, and has been good get a freash perspective on life again, however depressing it feels still. On a positive, i got upset the other night. My mum found me, and told me i was hyperventlating lol which i suppose is a change from being agngry or crying with frustraition lol. Had a good work out today though thanks again mm

[MM]

All my friends in aa know about my condition and they still accept me to coffee and other places having an addiction for an autistic can be a blessing in disguise at least you have something now you can relate others with and not just the small but rather rapid growing population of autistic people

[MM]

Just remember to the motto bittersweet take it one day at a time

[Aspergers Girl]

This isn't good.

I think it's important to be on some sort of medication if your symptoms manifest into this. Why did you go off your meds.. do you think they worked for you?

[bittersweet]

Hi there. The medication was just a short term solution from my local genral practise doctor. I am on a waiting list to be seen still for nearly 10 months from local mental health team. I was suffering from anixity and depression due to over a two year gap with no seeing a professional. I wouldn't advise anyone else come off their medication without help. I am fine now, to an extent. Obviously i still strugle to make the best of life due to my as condition, but i am no longer hit with depression. I've came over leaps and bounds regarding aspergers. But i also suffer from adhd which dampens my ability to function properly while dealing with my aspergers symtoms. I would very much like to try a course of ritilan again, as i was more focused when on it 7 years ago. Right now at times, my head can be a mess. I am still battling with gambling. Obviously all these issues can't be blamed on souly my condition. But everything has a knock on effect. And being out of work so long, has effected my  value of money and lifestyle. It is hard enough making new friends, and maintaining social ties when your old home town is 200 miles away when your on a low budget, and now dealing with being single is even harder, as i don't have the funds to date anyone new or different. This week i am due a appointment to routes back to work. Which is run by the local council. Which should be able find my work without the normal discrimnation faced by independent job hunting. Everything still just abit touch and go the now. And we all live in a bad ecomincal climate aswell, many normal people have problems. For me it's just ten times worse right now. And so far i have made some lousy decisions under some extream preasure. Good note, i am still going gym and doing the weight trainning. And at least i have some sort of opucation via that and some restored self esteam, but doesn't replace broken dreams and relationships.