jeff
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« on: November 16, 2011, 11:13:00 PM » |
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...been meaning to post this litle story on here so here it goes, about two years ago I almost got into my first relationship with a co-worker of mine, which i lost in the end.  What had happend was ever since this co-worker of mine started working whare I work there had alwase been some flirting (I can pick-up on and do it myself it to a degree) well about two years ago she had a big fight with her husband and seperated from him, funny enough she started to come on to me and things got more and more intense between the two of us. (i can even rember her deliberatly parking her car in my spot and vice versa as a means of flirting 'corse when i stole her spot my cars wiperblades would be pulled up lol) It got to the point whare everyone aroun us started poking jokes and both of us would blush. however there came a day about three months later that she decided to go back to her husband, and thus i lost out I don't know if it's because of some of my difficultys that got in the way or not (if so i probboly should have told her about AS first thing as she was coming on to me). funy thing is we both still flirt with each other and I am trying to better myself in this part of my life, so I guess a question I'd like to ask is should I just use her for practiceing different skills when it comes to learning things such as courting, flirting etc I relise it's not going to happen between us no matter how I feel for her but i can alwase use her as a saftey net for learning new skills right? |
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« Last Edit: November 16, 2011, 11:15:01 PM by jeff »
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Felgen
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« Reply #1 on: November 17, 2011, 01:37:33 AM » |
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I'm saying this to warn you: Never ever let someone use you for an emotional tampon. It's not uncommon for emotionally unstable girls to pretend flirt with a guy to get him interested and them use him as someone they vent all their problems on and someone who can boost their ego when they feel the need for it.
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“Without deviation from the norm, progress is not possible.” -- Frank Zappa
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jeff
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« Reply #2 on: November 17, 2011, 09:12:24 AM » |
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I'm saying this to warn you: Never ever let someone use you for an emotional tampon. It's not uncommon for emotionally unstable girls to pretend flirt with a guy to get him interested and them use him as someone they vent all their problems on and someone who can boost their ego when they feel the need for it.
If this is what happened then what are the warning signs, and how do I avoid this in the future? |
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Felgen
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« Reply #3 on: November 17, 2011, 02:28:39 PM » |
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If this is what happened then what are the warning signs, and how do I avoid this in the future?
There are many warning signs. If most of the conversations you have with this girl starts with whining about how "all men are alike and only think about sex" or starts talking about problems she has with her boyfriend, you're her emotional tampon. Typical things she might say are also "I wish more men were like you", "you're such a good listener" or she might fish for compliments. If a girl really cares about you, then she'll never use you for an emotional tampon. There are plenty of other girls out there and you shouldn't let one girl dump her problems onto you. I know what I'm talking about; I've been there before, there's nothing to lose by severing contact with a girl who just sees you as something she can vent her problems on, even if it does hurt her feelings a little bit. |
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jeff
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« Reply #4 on: November 17, 2011, 05:27:31 PM » |
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There are many warning signs. If most of the conversations you have with this girl starts with whining about how "all men are alike and only think about sex" or starts talking about problems she has with her boyfriend, you're her emotional tampon. Typical things she might say are also "I wish more men were like you", "you're such a good listener" or she might fish for compliments.
If a girl really cares about you, then she'll never use you for an emotional tampon. There are plenty of other girls out there and you shouldn't let one girl dump her problems onto you. I know what I'm talking about; I've been there before, there's nothing to lose by severing contact with a girl who just sees you as something she can vent her problems on, even if it does hurt her feelings a little bit.
no she's not like that with me she's just a bit flirty I'm wondering though if she'd be good to practice stuff like "c***y funny" with |
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Felgen
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« Reply #5 on: November 17, 2011, 06:50:42 PM » |
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Keep in mind that she might just flirt to boost her own ego; my ex did that with me sometimes. There are many ways to be funny, don't try to be someone you're not by being c***y funny. "c***y funny" is a term invented by a sales person, not a relationship expert.
Make the most of the humour that comes naturally to you. Let's say your humour is dry; if this is the case, then focus on making people laugh with a dry or wise-cracking comment.
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jeff
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« Reply #6 on: November 17, 2011, 09:18:43 PM » |
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Keep in mind that she might just flirt to boost her own ego; my ex did that with me sometimes. There are many ways to be funny, don't try to be someone you're not by being c***y funny. "c***y funny" is a term invented by a sales person, not a relationship expert.
Make the most of the humour that comes naturally to you. Let's say your humour is dry; if this is the case, then focus on making people laugh with a dry or wise-cracking comment.
Yea this is what David deangelo was talking about In his second book he said that by "c***y" he dose'nt mean condescending but rather an extremity of confidence and uses Tom cruse In top gun as an example and said to try and aim for cultivating that into your own personality, and not cultivating your personality In that because doing the second of the two is not being you self but the first one is and he even states "for example if you have a dry since of humor and she asks what kind of car you drive make a wise crack like 'I rode my unicycle here dude' or 'A 1979 ford pinto baby!!! Wanna go for a ride?' " the Problem I have is thinking of something that comes In that moment, your saying just say the first funny thing that hits my mind even if it's dry? |
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« Last Edit: November 17, 2011, 09:21:42 PM by jeff »
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Felgen
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« Reply #7 on: November 17, 2011, 09:29:28 PM » |
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It depends on what kind of humour comes naturally to you. Dry humour is best if you don't plan on saying anything funny, just say something unexpected.
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jeff
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« Reply #8 on: November 17, 2011, 11:12:25 PM » |
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It depends on what kind of humour comes naturally to you. Dry humour is best if you don't plan on saying anything funny, just say something unexpected.
So if she does ask what car I drive I can just simply say something like (not to make fun of the kid in the YouTube vid btw) "I like turtles" |
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Felgen
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« Reply #9 on: November 17, 2011, 11:54:06 PM » |
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So if she does ask what car I drive I can just simply say something like (not to make fun of the kid in the YouTube vid btw) "I like turtles"
That's not dry humour.  You have to improvise. Some of these are good: http://dailynooz.blogspot.com/2007/03/20-all-purpose-witty-comebacks-clip.htmlExcept for the fact that they have to be original. Let's say a girl you've just met tries to dump all of her problems onto you, then you'll say that you charge 200$ an hour for terrapy sessions plus overtime payment at this time of the day. |
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« Last Edit: November 17, 2011, 11:55:39 PM by Felgen »
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jeff
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« Reply #10 on: November 18, 2011, 08:28:40 AM » |
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is it ok if i send you a friend request, one of the things that's mentioned in the david deangelo books is to seek out other guys who have been sucessfull so that you can also learn off of them, and to try and find guys who have simular limitations to you who have been sucessfull so that you can see that what ever ailments you have you can see that it is not a life long thing and that it can be overcome. also if it is some one with the same ailments they may be able to pass something on that they have already learned through trial and error thus saving you from the pain of it
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Felgen
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« Reply #11 on: November 18, 2011, 03:40:37 PM » |
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Feel free to send a friend request.  Focus on overcoming social awkwardness and shyness before trying any PUA-stuff. This site is pretty good: http://loveshyness.org/ |
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jeff
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« Reply #12 on: November 18, 2011, 05:26:25 PM » |
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Feel free to send a friend request. Focus on overcoming social awkwardness and shyness before trying any PUA-stuff. This site is pretty good: http://loveshyness.org/ well I do feel as though I'v gotten over the social awkwardness enough to try it out (dosent mean I can't improve upon that any more though) I mean I don't blurt out the first thing that pops I'n my head any more as I used to occasionally do I'v also learned to look inbetween someone's eyes or at there eyebrows to give the impression that I'm looking them I'n the eye |
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jeff
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« Reply #13 on: November 18, 2011, 05:39:59 PM » |
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...oh and I can even get some sarcasim even (although I do still have some trouble with it)
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« Reply #14 on: November 22, 2011, 03:45:24 AM » |
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Dont get caught is a love triangle my friend :S
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why get anxious in life about not having friends or anything for that matter what help impossible for people to provide or that they wont provide is possible for god and he will provide. Book of matthew last versus "low I am with you always even to the end of the world amen"
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