Diagnosis...15, scared, concerned, how do I know?

[thatgirlinthecorner]

Hi!  I'm new to the forum and already have a question! 

I'm 15 and a sophomore in high school.  For quite a few years I've known that there was something a bit different about me than my other friends whether it be my inability to carry a conversation, my timidness, or the wanting to jump out of my skin feeling every time someone even so slightly touches me.  When I was little I had a strong attachment to my American Girl doll and my Barbie collection, always organizing their clothes by color or size and even sometimes alphabetically.  The Barbie stage faltered while I still like to have my American girl doll on the shelf in my room as it is part of my comfort zone that I don't wish to leave.  As I reached third grade, my struggle to read left suddenly once I discovered Nancy Drew books and I suddenly had a new obsession as well as a newly found hobby.  I still carry around an old tattered Nancy Drew mystery whenever I can and become memorized in the pages whenever possible, especially when I feel stressed or overwhelmed.  I never feel comfortable making eye contact with anyone and find myself only interested in a conversation when it has to do with literature, writing, dance, or softball.  If I go to the movies, I watch my friends to know when to laugh or put a grimace on my face.  I get teased by my friends for being cold hearted as I don't cry or feel many emotions.  A smile masks my face each and everyday no matter how sad or upset I may be.  I'm always one to try to please everyone, and am probably taken advantage of more times than not.  I have a certain schedule each and everyday and if something goes array, I feel as though my whole day is ruined.  I have tantrums at the simplest, stupidest things, mostly at home, and sometimes can't control it.  Things like the way my bed is made, the way my pencil case is organized, and so on sometimes cause me to go off on tangents and yelling matches with my parents when they are not the way I like it.  Though I'm a skilled softball athlete, I have  difficulties holding a pencil right and have balance issues.  Lately I have found myself staring off into to space for minutes, sometimes even hours just off imagining my own little world and having difficulties concentrating on even reading books, and I can almost forget about math homework most of the time.  I have a very high GPA and take only the highest available courses but I have been finding myself slipping and going into these phases where I don't know which way is up or down.  I just don't know what to do!  I've read about Asperger's and I guess I'm a bit of a fit, but I don;t know how or what to tell my mom, especially since my mom is extremely sick with cancer herself.  Please help!

[Aspergers Girl]

If it makes you feel better I always laugh at the wrong time in movies
The tantrums - That almost seems like an anxiety thing or hormone imbalance. I had a nervous breakdown once because I couldnt open a jar - have you had your hormone levels checked? I think if telling your mum will cause her stress you probbaly shouldn't - i'm not one to judge on that. Is there a non family member at your school you could talk about it to? How important is a diagnosis? There are a lot of undiagnosed aspies out there, and all a diagnosis is is a doctor saying "you have this".

[alaskagirl]

Hey! Take a look at your old posting of this. I replied to it yesterday! I hope it helps.

[ukenkerl]

thatgirlinthecorner,

What a BEAUTIFUL handle!  You coud say the same sort of thing about me, that boy in the corner. 

I have the SAME sort of timidness, am different, anbd HATE being touched.  With ME, I organized my books when I was about 5yo.  I labeled them with a dymo labelmaker so you could tell JUST where they should go.  I used to be SO orderly.  My mother kept messing it up, and I just figured "WHY BOTHER".  TODAY I straighten up only when stressed with nothing to do.  I held writing implements odd for quite a while.  That may be one reason why I wanted to get a typewriter so early.  That was before microcomputers could really run 3rd party programs, etc...  And I am not that great in math.

And YEAH, I daydreamed a lot also.  I had a dream about building a certain vehicle BUT, by the time I could afford it, I determined it wasn't worth it.  The technology isn't good enough for some things, etc...  BESIDES, the FAA might have some problems with it.     But I have flown in that aircraft!  Sometimes things can seem SO real!  It has a nice metalic blue fiberglass finish!   

And YEAH, I laugh at odd times too.  AS can be misunderstood as a diagnosis, and they are planning on merging it with classical autism, so I won't give an opinion there.

[MM]

Hope your mom gets better