hey guys

[jay]

Hi everyone. I'm new to both this forum and to perhaps finally accepting the possibility that I have Asperger's. I have always seemed different, never connected well with peers, or had what most people would call a normal life.

I had been resistant to the diagnosis of Asperger's however, even when suggested by health professionals, since when I first looked into it I didn't believe that the criteria could apply to me. A lack of empathy? Was that to mean that I didn't feel? That I didn't care about others or that I enjoyed torturing animals or something? I found that disturbing and a little scary, and didn't believe that anything like that could possibly apply to me. I had similar thoughts about being clumsy and not understanding humor. Surely that didn't describe me...

So I dismissed the whole thing. I later discovered...or preferred not to admit at the time...that as with many things, Asperger's is not a condition where you have to meet every single criterion or you don't have it. There is a spectrum, and several signs for Asperger's clearly DO apply to me. I am in my late 20s and have no friends or any kind of social relationships. I prefer to avoid people for the most part, as these situtions lead to me feeling awkward and uncomfortable. I don't really understand other people all that well. I feel a sense of discomfort if I don't adhere to certain rituals or routines (which may be OCD, but is also a tendency for those with Asperger's from what I've heard).

Anyway, that's a little bit of background about me and where I'm coming from. I'm very glad to have discovered this place; when you often think you must be the biggest loser in the world for being how you are, it can help knowing there are other people who are "different" too.

[Aspergers Girl]

Hi everyone. I'm new to both this forum and to perhaps finally accepting the possibility that I have Asperger's. I have always seemed different, never connected well with peers, or had what most people would call a normal life.

I had been resistant to the diagnosis of Asperger's however, even when suggested by health professionals, since when I first looked into it I didn't believe that the criteria could apply to me. A lack of empathy? Was that to mean that I didn't feel? That I didn't care about others or that I enjoyed torturing animals or something? I found that disturbing and a little scary, and didn't believe that anything like that could possibly apply to me. I had similar thoughts about being clumsy and not understanding humor. Surely that didn't describe me...

So I dismissed the whole thing. I later discovered...or preferred not to admit at the time...that as with many things, Asperger's is not a condition where you have to meet every single criterion or you don't have it. There is a spectrum, and several signs for Asperger's clearly DO apply to me. I am in my late 20s and have no friends or any kind of social relationships. I prefer to avoid people for the most part, as these situtions lead to me feeling awkward and uncomfortable. I don't really understand other people all that well. I feel a sense of discomfort if I don't adhere to certain rituals or routines (which may be OCD, but is also a tendency for those with Asperger's from what I've heard).

Anyway, that's a little bit of background about me and where I'm coming from. I'm very glad to have discovered this place; when you often think you must be the biggest loser in the world for being how you are, it can help knowing there are other people who are "different" too.

Lack of empathy isn't always present in people with aspergers. I don't even know why its listed as a trait, maybe because we don't know what do around people who are upset? I certainly don't.

Aspergers people often have a lot more empathy for animals and nature than for people. I have a lot of empathy, sometimes I don't really have any towards people in some situations.

I would say the main trait of it is the social interaction thing, and often sensory issues. The whole lack of empathy thing is a grey area. Anyway, 

[jay]

Lack of empathy isn't always present in people with aspergers. I don't even know why its listed as a trait, maybe because we don't know what do around people who are upset? I certainly don't.

Aspergers people often have a lot more empathy for animals and nature than for people. I have a lot of empathy, sometimes I don't really have any towards people in some situations.

I would say the main trait of it is the social interaction thing, and often sensory issues. The whole lack of empathy thing is a grey area. Anyway, 

Yeah, I've begun to realize that as I've looked into things a little more. Another part of it was that I didn't want the "label" of a diagnosis. If I could find something listed among the traits for aspergers that didn't fit with how I saw myself...I could be justified in saying that I didn't have it, that nothing was "wrong with me" (not saying that there is anything "wrong" of course, just that this was my thinking at the time).

I've read that many people mention feeling a sense of relief when told they have aspergers, that things finally make sense to them about who they are and why they often feel so different and alone. I was pretty much the opposite. I rejected the possibility for a long time because I so desperately wanted to be "normal."

And it never occurred to me that not knowing what to do when people are upset could be considered a lack of empathy. I don't know what to do in that situation, either. I usually sit there awkwardly, hoping it will stop, or say something that turns out to be the wrong thing. Maybe a lack of empathy in that way would apply to me, after all...something to consider...

Anyway, thanks for both the the insight and the welcome! 

[nivago]

Hey Jay, WELCOME to the forum.         as you probably no i am only new here to and post a lot because i feel if i don't break the ice now.                                     I will never ever have the spirit to break free! 

[jay]

Hey Jay, WELCOME to the forum.         as you probably no i am only new here to and post a lot because i feel if i don't break the ice now.                                     I will never ever have the spears to break free!

Thanks Nivago! Welcome to you too. I obviously can't speak for AG, but I would think lots of posts are great. Active forums are more interesting and more fun.

[Aspergers Girl]

Yeah, I've begun to realize that as I've looked into things a little more. Another part of it was that I didn't want the "label" of a diagnosis. If I could find something listed among the traits for aspergers that didn't fit with how I saw myself...I could be justified in saying that I didn't have it, that nothing was "wrong with me" (not saying that there is anything "wrong" of course, just that this was my thinking at the time).

I've read that many people mention feeling a sense of relief when told they have aspergers, that things finally make sense to them about who they are and why they often feel so different and alone. I was pretty much the opposite. I rejected the possibility for a long time because I so desperately wanted to be "normal."

And it never occurred to me that not knowing what to do when people are upset could be considered a lack of empathy. I don't know what to do in that situation, either. I usually sit there awkwardly, hoping it will stop, or say something that turns out to be the wrong thing. Maybe a lack of empathy in that way would apply to me, after all...something to consider...

Anyway, thanks for both the the insight and the welcome! 

As I see it, you're still the same person before and after an official diagnosis. People don't like it as people will use the label to make fun of them, etc. I guess people feel releif as they have cemented it (in their eyes) that they have it... although people can be wrongly diagnosed and it's a real grey area..

[Dwighk Sr.]

Welcome to AP!