ok, this feels personal...

[al1404]

does anyone else feel this way?  i see people all the time on the college campus, holding hands, kissing, general pda that upsets me whenever i feel like i've failed at every relationship i've tried to create.  i mean, i can get guys fairly easily, but I can never keep them (just the facts, really it's quite sad).  they just don't understand me, and i get that.  well i fell into some bad habits when i just got so fed up and frustrated because i felt like i was a failure at relationships.  one disappointment after another.  i really liked a guy because we could talk politics, he was smart and funny and attractive, but then i found out he had a girlfriend back home and was basically using me.  so i made my, umm, "first bad decision" with someone that i found extremely attractive but had absolutely no attachment to.  I felt like it would be better for me as an obsessive person (when it comes to relationships) to lose that part of me to someone i didn't care about, desensitize myself.  and I know that sounds bad, but I had thought about it for 3 years.  the closest I got to an actual bf that I thought I would give my everything to broke my heart, and I was sick over the breakup.  I never wanted to feel that way again.  at the end of school, I ended up doing that again with a boy who was average, sort of nerdy, but attractive to me.  he seemed to care about me more than any boyfriend I had in the past had... but yeah, now we haven't even talked since school got out.  I just hope I'm not the only one.  It was my feelings of inadequacy that brought me to these decisions.

[Aspergers Girl]

does anyone else feel this way?  i see people all the time on the college campus, holding hands, kissing, general pda that upsets me whenever i feel like i've failed at every relationship i've tried to create.  i mean, i can get guys fairly easily, but I can never keep them (just the facts, really it's quite sad).  they just don't understand me, and i get that.  well i fell into some bad habits when i just got so fed up and frustrated because i felt like i was a failure at relationships.  one disappointment after another.  i really liked a guy because we could talk politics, he was smart and funny and attractive, but then i found out he had a girlfriend back home and was basically using me.  so i made my, umm, "first bad decision" with someone that i found extremely attractive but had absolutely no attachment to.  I felt like it would be better for me as an obsessive person (when it comes to relationships) to lose that part of me to someone i didn't care about, desensitize myself.  and I know that sounds bad, but I had thought about it for 3 years.  the closest I got to an actual bf that I thought I would give my everything to broke my heart, and I was sick over the breakup.  I never wanted to feel that way again.  at the end of school, I ended up doing that again with a boy who was average, sort of nerdy, but attractive to me.  he seemed to care about me more than any boyfriend I had in the past had... but yeah, now we haven't even talked since school got out.  I just hope I'm not the only one.  It was my feelings of inadequacy that brought me to these decisions.

Men are hard to keep. Thats a shame about theheart break you've gone through, it's never fun. My advice is to be picky, don't just go for any guy. The best advice though is to learn to be content with your own company. Is there anything you can think of that you like about being single?

My heart has been ripped out chewed up and spat out more than once, but its the good times with people that keep me being open to putting myself out there again. I've broken hearts too.. had mine broken.

Its one of the most awful feelings ever, but heartbreak DOES pass, even if you have to pass it kicking, screaming, sleeping and crying, it does pass.

You aren't a failure either, a lot of people have trouble with relationships, just check out the worlds dating sites

[al1404]

thanks for the confidence boost that's part of my problem, i'm picky and feel like i've been single too long.  my last real relationship ended two february's ago, the one i thought i was in love with.  i've broken many hearts too and when i've been hurt, i usually bounce right back from it.  but after i found out about my diagnosis, i wondered what was wrong with me that all of my friends have had lasting relationships, at least one in most cases, and i had never had one that could withstand 3 months.  i've loved being single because i could date around... and i've done that a lot... (not meaning sleeping around or anything of the sort), but after a while it gets tiresome and i wonder what it is that never makes one last.  the past year i have had trouble turning it into an actual relationship and in the past, i've gotten too annoyed by the person's habits/laziness/lying/etc. to continue on.  i'm not looking for "prince charming" or "washboard abs" like my parents seem to think.  i'm just looking for someone like me.  the last guy was hilarious, a secret sci-fi nerd, musically talented, and smart.  he seemed like he walked out of a love movie like "just friends", him being the friend.  but i couldn't even secure THAT.  I'm trying to work on me first, but any advice?

[Aspergers Girl]

thanks for the confidence boost that's part of my problem, i'm picky and feel like i've been single too long.  my last real relationship ended two february's ago, the one i thought i was in love with.  i've broken many hearts too and when i've been hurt, i usually bounce right back from it.  but after i found out about my diagnosis, i wondered what was wrong with me that all of my friends have had lasting relationships, at least one in most cases, and i had never had one that could withstand 3 months.  i've loved being single because i could date around... and i've done that a lot... (not meaning sleeping around or anything of the sort), but after a while it gets tiresome and i wonder what it is that never makes one last.  the past year i have had trouble turning it into an actual relationship and in the past, i've gotten too annoyed by the person's habits/laziness/lying/etc. to continue on.  i'm not looking for "prince charming" or "washboard abs" like my parents seem to think.  i'm just looking for someone like me.  the last guy was hilarious, a secret sci-fi nerd, musically talented, and smart.  he seemed like he walked out of a love movie like "just friends", him being the friend.  but i couldn't even secure THAT.  I'm trying to work on me first, but any advice?

The problem when you're picky is when you find someone you *do* like, it's even harder to let them go when it falls to pieces. Happened with me very recently.... twice.. 3 times.

Never let a diagnosis influence how you think about yourself. Never. You are still the same person as you always were.

Many aspie women are in successful relationships, and all relationships have their rocky patches, because with someone else it wont be aspergers problems getting in the way it will be something else.

For the moment try and focus on things you like about being single, examples may be, not having to emotionally support others, more free time etc.

[zenemu]

I think Aspies face certain extra challenges when it comes to starting and maintaining relationships, but it certainly isn't insurmountable. To say I've had some truly shocking relationships is the understatement of a lifetime, but I have  also had some fun relationships which came to their natural conclusion I suppose.

I've been with my current partner for a little over seven years, we own a house together and we are getting married next year. She's NT and I am sure I probably drive her nuts sometimes, but she is very understanding, and I think that is the key, finding someone who wants you for who  and what you are, and someone you can be yourself with -  full on aspie and all that comes with that. With hindsight it occurs to me now that in previous relationships that didn't last I spent a lot of time trying to be more normal and that just isn't healthy. It becomes exhausting after a while, which puts uneccesary strain on the relationship and is ultimately unfair on both people.

Thats my experience of relationships anyway

Zen

[Remission]

I developed severe mental illness towards the end of university when women would smile at me and initiate conversation but I was too scared to say anything.  I felt truly awful.  I developed obsessional and paranoid beliefs which lasted for a few years until I started on fluoxetine.  But those thoughts occasionally resurface, especially when I'm under a lot of stress.

When I was fairly young I walked in on my mother having sex with a man; Freud called this the 'primordial scene' and a contributing factor to mental problems later in life; whether this is true or not I don't know.

I often get the feeling that other men are trying to keep me away from women; sometimes I feel as if they might use violence against me.

It is very strange.