okay. so this morning i was having an AS moment. I got kind of pissed cuz my mom told me at midnight that i had to take my grandma to an appt at 8 in the morning. So i thought, suck it up, it's fine. I woke up today and was still half asleep (this is when i'm at my worst) and thought to myself, ya know, my mom is up anyway. she's getting my sister ready for school. why was this responsibility assigned to me? after all, I'm the one who took my grandma yesterday and stayed with her for 3 hours. why should I get up when she's already awake? I ended up vocalizing it, she got mad, and she left to pick her up. It took me a while to get out of this thinking pattern and then i felt guilty and embarrassed and verbalized this to my mother. she really just doesn't understand why i can't stop acting like i do. I told her I've been more aware when i'm conscious and trying to work on things then, but it's worst for me when i first wake up. she thinks this doesn't apply and I should always be aware. while I agree, I also think that I'm trying, and I was just having a bad moment at my worst vulnerable time.
anyway, because i "can't show responsibility", she thinks I need intense psychotherapy and to stay home for a year, see if i can hold a job, and go to a community college. I HAVE FRIENDS at my current college. there is absolutely no way i'm going to a school around here, especially because I don't get a long with the people in my area (even though i've rekindled some relationships and could probably do fine now).
I will not stay here, whether she wants me to or not. I understand I have problems sometimes, but that doesn't mean i'm incapable of going to a REAL college. I wanted to transfer to an acting school in NYC this year. If that doesn't work, I'll go back to the school I've been going to. My mom isn't the cosigner anyway for my school loans, my grandmother is, and I'm sure I could get her to sign for me to go to school wherever i need to go. I will run away before I stay here.
Bottom line is I don't know what to do. I honestly just feel like running right now and starting my own life without my family. However, I know this isn't exactly plausible because I don't have any funds as I am not working right now. What should I do? I need to get away from her constant nagging and saying I'm not ready to go off to school. even though i have AS, I'm also a 19 year old girl who's very willful and won't stand for somebody getting in the way of my dreams. I feel she's being an overprotective mother and she needs to back off before I go insane. I know i sound like a crazy person right now, but if you lived with her you'd understand. my NT sister can't even stand her half the time.
so what i'm looking for is:
1. a getaway plan
2. advice on how to get her to stop her insanity.
thanks.
Maybe you could try not staying up as late? Sounds to me like your mother wants to help you fit into the real world, go to bed at a reasonable time and I guess taking your grandmother out is hinting to encourage you to get up when most people do.
I know its hard, I was like that for years, but sleeping patterns CAN be changed.
I don't know much about your family life so I can't really comment on what the deal is, but I think moving away would be a very good idea, learn about life and enjoy time away from family and with people your own age, pay your own bills etc. Do they offer scholarships for people with things like aspergers over there?
