Online romances.

[MissNewZealand]

About a year ago, I began an online relationship with someone from another Aspie forum. He lived overseas, but I thought we may visit once the relationship picked up. A we communicated on the forum, we started building trust, and moved to facebook. So, we communicated on Facebook the majority of the time. We talked, and got to know each other. He was another aspie (or so he said), he was in his late 20s, no job, no schooling, and basically had no aspirations for his future. He told me he was content with his life as it was. I, on the other hand, am attending University, enjoy earning money to accomplish my goals, and want very badly to build a better life for myself. He KNEW this about me, and always seemed proud of me for having such aspirations. He seemed supportive of me when no one else seemed to care. He seemed to support, and WANT me to accomplish my dream of travelling the world. He also treated me as though I was on a pedestal. When he wanted to learn more about my country's politics, history, or culture- he always asked me and trusted my judgment. He seemed to admire me, and that felt great. He always told me that I was the kind of girl he would like to meet in his country. We eventually moved to telephone communication. He would call me, and we would text each other. So, as the texting continued, we grew closer and eventually started callign each other romantic nicknames such as darling, honey etc.... I offered to show him a my favorite recipes so that he can try them at home. (that would have been my way of cooking for him, as we are separated by an ocean). As we communicated, we really began to care about each other. He seemed my favorite person to talk to on facebook. Even all of my facebook friends noticed that there was chemistry between us. I was having fun, it was the first time I had a serious relationship. He knows that I am striving for a future, and want to travel. He wanted so badly for me to come to his country to visit him. He wanted me to visit cultured events with him. He said he appreciated t that I am into cultured activities such as the arts, philosophy etc…..  he made plans to accommodate me whilst I am in his country. I suggested that HE come to MY country. He speaks English just fine, I cannot speak his language, therefore it makes sense that he visits MY country.  All of my dreams seem to require me to have lots of money. I, being the independent woman that I am, believe in accomplishing these things myself. We agreed to send each other valentines (it was the week of valentine’s day when we broke up). Suddenly, I have free time and choose to spend it with him. I text him, he isn’t responding. Eventually, he responds to me that he hopes I find myself a rich man. I asked him why he would say that, and he told me that he thinks I am a golddigger. Mind you, I have said NOTHING what so ever about wanting him to pay for anything. A friend of mine helped me to see that he may have felt demoralized, and beneath me. He has no goals, no hopes for a job, and sits around all day. I have an education, job prospects, and a good future to look forward to. This apparently made him feel inferior. He also felt that as a man, this may have put pressure on him to provide for me- so he left. I also felt that I was asking too much of him by suggesting that HE visit me first. He may have been using me. I tried to resolve any misunderstandings. I sent him an email telling him how much I actually cared about him, but he made another excuse about me being arrogant. So, I had to leave it once and for all. I still miss him, but I am moving on with my life. Has anyone had any online dating experiences. I would like to hear about them.

[Aspergers Girl]

urgh yuck, never talk to that arseh*le again.
Probably jealous of you, forget him and let him be miserable and lonely.

I have several online stories but don' really want to share. All in all, I don't like online flirting, dating, relationships or hookups.

[Remission]

It's an enormous waste of time.  Unless you get to meet them in real life don't bother.  I mean, if someone on a forum is from your city and likes the sound of you, go ahead and meet them, date them, and then have SEX with them (if you didn't do this but got the chance to then you are a loser like me).  That is good.  Otherwise, it's all TYPE TYPE TYPE on a keyboard when you could be doing better things with your free fingers. 

[Dantac]

sorry to hear that happened to you. If its any consolation its no different than meeting the person face to face and being rejected later for something silly and superficial... you develop thicker skin for next time around.

I guess closest thing ive gone through was meeting this girl who had AS on a website and strangely enough she and I got along rather well...similar interests and even the same awkward issues when talking to each other. Exchanged pics and all...

I met her online just before I had to leave for new zealand and couldnt get in contact with her until a month later when I had a place with internet.

she was interested in seeing my pictures and of my experiences and stuff.. but would say little when I asked her about her life. months later of sporadic contact (internet is EXPENSIVE in NZ!). My last week in NZ i told her that if it was ok with her, I could change my flight to stop on her city and i could spend a couple of days there so we could meet face to face.

she never replied nor ive seen her on the instant messenger since.

and that was that for the only person ive ever chatted with (live or online) that seemed to be on the same train my thoughts were in. go figure. 

[Aspergers Girl]

It's an enormous waste of time.  Unless you get to meet them in real life don't bother.  I mean, if someone on a forum is from your city and likes the sound of you, go ahead and meet them, date them, and then have SEX with them (if you didn't do this but got the chance to then you are a loser like me).  That is good.  Otherwise, it's all TYPE TYPE TYPE on a keyboard when you could be doing better things with your free fingers. 

Yeah its a waste of time. Its ok for kids but lacking for adults.

The people I've really fallen hard for (Over the age of 18) I knew offline. Except that one guy. And when I met him it felt unnatural. I would rather meet people IRL.

[Kresjah]

Sorry to hear about that MissNewZealand. The internet swarms with idiots... it's a shame, as it tends to drown the sensible voices out there. People like that shouldn't be allowed on the internet. Don't give up though, be it on the net or elsewhere, there are still a lot of great people to find.

I think it really depends on how you go about it, and how lucky you are when it comes to finding a place to "look" and what kind of people are at this place.

I have never really dated online or in any way directly tried for a relationship. However, all of the three relationships I've had originated from the net. Coincidences has led to us talking, which in turn led to us becoming friends online, followed by us meeting up (as friends) in real life and then it escalated from there.

The last relationship lasted 5 years, and it all started with me thinking she meant to wish us at that community a "Merry Christmas" ("God Jul" in Norwegian) while in fact she did mean "Merry Yule" ("God Yule", dunno if the English translation is correct, the merry sounds strange there).

The thing about the internet is that it can be easier getting in touch with people, and finding information on them which helps to see if there's anything that can work (be it just as friends or for deeper relationships), and provide a starter to get in touch about (interests, etc.). Of course, there's no guarantee that it is correct.

[Supersperger]

It's an enormous waste of time.  Unless you get to meet them in real life don't bother.  I mean, if someone on a forum is from your city and likes the sound of you, go ahead and meet them, date them, and then have SEX with them (if you didn't do this but got the chance to then you are a loser like me).  That is good.  Otherwise, it's all TYPE TYPE TYPE on a keyboard when you could be doing better things with your free fingers. 

Sex doesn't make a relationship any more real. Things like meeting a person's friends and family count for much more IMO.

[Nie]

I really dont get it why men(some) have this weird need to be above the woman in their life. i mean geez. and the thing is, it doesnt make them a better husband or lover either...

and I mean if a guy is like that, he should work on improving himself and not vent it on the woman. its not the ladys fault for being in a better situation than them.

youre lucky you were off with him, just imagine what that would be like if you got married.

and it gets asked why self-confidence is a factor in relationships... coz its a breeding ground for a lot of problems later on.

he shouldve been atleast man enough to admit to you what the real reason is why he's parting with you

[dhpmathmusic]

Never try online dating.  Most of the time, it never works.  People lie on their profiles, higher chance of being manipulated, etc...

[Nie]

do not believe anything you see here on the internet. i could be a martian for all you know... but of course thats not true coz i am from bree so...

lies..... lies i tell you... grohgorhorhgorhohohoookkkkk

add:
you know... i dont want to sound mean but whatever. the happiest times i had in a relationship was when i was with a normal and plain one. maybe its just really better for us to be with a i dont know and not one like us or more severe than us. simple thats how it was like no... complication no psycho s*** no... i dont know everything was just,,. simple and peaceful and just...

add2:
i take that back. that was purely swayed by personal bias - it is obviously untrue, i guess im just thinking of specific individuals

[IndispensablePeaGuy]

It's an enormous waste of time.  Unless you get to meet them in real life don't bother.  I mean, if someone on a forum is from your city and likes the sound of you, go ahead and meet them, date them, and then have SEX with them (if you didn't do this but got the chance to then you are a loser like me).  That is good.  Otherwise, it's all TYPE TYPE TYPE on a keyboard when you could be doing better things with your free fingers. 

Pretty much what he said.

I'd rather be single and lonely than a desperate loser who needs romance from the interweb.

[Marco]

I'd rather be single and lonely than a desperate loser who needs romance from the interweb.

I have a friend on the internet and I enjoy chatting to them when they are not busy. Does that make me a sad loser too?
I think that MNZ is a young woman who was able to have a safe practice of social interchange on the internet.

[TwinkieFlavouredJellybean]

Pretty much what he said.

I'd rather be single and lonely than a desperate loser who needs romance from the interweb.

Hey, PeaBrain...

[The Dude]

I'd rather be single and lonely than a desperate loser who needs romance from the interweb.

You're BOTH, PS Cave troll  

[dhpmathmusic]

I think that GFY pic above is probably the most disturbing pic I have seen in a long while.  Excuse me...(throws up) better now.