Getting your life together first before dating

[MM]

I think its best to work on myself as much as possible before getting into a relationships the more I improve myself the better chances of finding a compatiable and stable partner increase.  I have had many things to overcome and I have more to overcome.  I do not want to get into a relationship and stuff it up but I guess there is always going to be some risk in that.  But I feel its best If I get my trade, my life and my social skills together before I start looking at dating again being an autie and alcoholic has proven to be a bit of a handful.  I dont want to bring others down around me I want to get my self together first.   I have been dry for over two years now and moving forward but I need alot more improvement.  I am not asking for feed back about me I am asking whats your prespective on the whole get your life together first before looking for a relationship thing.

[Zara]

It is generally good advice to get one's life sorted before pursuing a serious relationship. Keyword, "serious".

I don't think you have to necessarily reject opportunities while you're working on yourself (lord knows, those can be rare enough as it)but yeah, try to get most of life's issues worked out before you get married for instance. 

[Felgen]

I agree with you, but many (if they are past their teens) will be shunned if they don't have any experience in dating, regardless of cause.

[jman]

I am right there with you MM, as cliche as it sounds you have to love yourself before you love anyone else.

I want to be the man a woman could easily fall in love, but right now I am not quite there yet 

[MM]

There was a guy on dr phill that was 34 and had never dated because he was huge(but had lost the weight and now was a lean size).  He had girls reinforcing him that he had the assests that they were attracted too.  There is also one guy I know with aspergers who had only one sexual experience in his twenties that has a girl friend now.  Its just about finding the right person and it being the right time.  But anyway I will weight till the man upstairs gives me the green light

[zenemu]

From personaly experience I think you need to look after yourself first. I think you need to be happy with who you are and where you in your life before you can focus on a relationship. Obviously that isn't set in stone, and if the right person comes along out of the blue, then go for it

Congratulations on two years dry btw

[Aspergers Girl]

Its a good idea to get into a stable place before taking on a full time relationship. I have a lot of problems to overcome, physical and the rest.

I would like to be in a better place before I fully take on someone else in my life. It doesn't help that I can't concentrate on anything either.

[Remission]

You can develop your personality up to a point on your own, but your personality will not develop or progress until you have been with others, in certain respects.

It is a symbiotic relationship, not one or the other. 

[Nie]

Just sticking to the perspective part

It may take a person 30 years to have his/her life fully together - a stable job, a place to stay, a car, no debts. I think that would be the creator of the 30 to 40 year old virgin if youd be fixed on waiting on that. Not everyone is looking for such things, you may be too focused on the things that your potential partner might not even care about. You'll never know what a person wants til you get to know the person. Some women for example, even like men who are unemployed so they can give em all the time they want whenever they want it, just the same for men. What does matter is having what the lover does want, not what you think s/he wants.

As others have said too, you'll never improve on relationships unless you get into it - its something you dont read in manuals, you have to learn this through experience. Wont it suck that alright after waiting for so long, youre all in perfect standing then you find the girl but ... you have no idea how to ask her out on a date.

If its there, and you in yourself really want it, just go for it - if you dont, its not gonna wait for you forever. If things dont go perfect, you learn something.

[MM]

I am also after a particular type of partner myself.  I am not interested in everything that is female.  Not everything that is female is necessarily my cup of tea just as I am not theirs.  I am not going to marry everyone just one person so and many people I trust have suggested to go down this path so I think I am making the right decision for myself.  If something crops up now I might consider dating but not anything serious.

[Nie]

You can do it MM. Guts!!!

[Remission]

I am also after a particular type of partner myself.  I am not interested in everything that is female.  Not everything that is female is necessarily my cup of tea just as I am not theirs.  I am not going to marry everyone just one person so and many people I trust have suggested to go down this path so I think I am making the right decision for myself.  If something crops up now I might consider dating but not anything serious.

Take what you can get and never look a gift-horse in the mouth.

If a cute young thing wants a fling, just give her what she wants and enjoy yourself.   

[MM]

After you have been through what I have gone through you will understand that I do have guts

[ozymandias]

FWIW, it took me a long time to get my act together.  Decide what I wanted to do and what I wanted in life.  My dating life until I was nearly 34 was sporadic and epic in it's failure.  Then, I got my life together, was making other plans and nearly resigning myself to be single.  And I met she who would be my wife..........................................man plans, the gods laugh.   

Life happens, while your making other plans.