Changing people

[MM]

The one thing I have learnt from my life long journey is that I cant change others I can only change myself.  Changing myself seems to bring about the changes that I want to see in others some of the time but It just makes me a happier person.  Trying to change the opinions of ignorant people or calling ignorant arragant ar*&holes only made my situation worse.  So I just leave ignorant people alone and move on.  But I can change myself I cant change the world by bitching about it and what wicked people out there but I can change myself.  I am not suggesting that if you work with these types of people or are bullied at school that you dont seek help to stop there behaviours from impacting you.  All I am saying is that I cannot change these peoples attitudes even if I get my blackbelt in a martial arts and kick the crap out of them with it.  It still will not change there attitudes.  So I need to humble myself to valid critisms of people and if I want results I have to be willing to change my ways.  I am not talking about bowing before abusive people and giving yourself esteem over to them.  No learn how to differentiate the crap from truth.  This is bloody hard for aspies I know but keep at it and you will get there.  I still have some difficulties these days but I know what people I usually listen to these days.  No body on this planet is perfect absolutely no one

[Aspergers Girl]

You're right, you can't change others, only yourself. Too many people blame others from your problems but the reality is we are born alone and die alone, we have to make our own way.

[Nie]

M, you cant change another person for what s/he is; however, you can influence their actions and choices - its just the same concept sorta as sales/advertising and strong arming someone. Its complicated but its absolutely doable.

I agree with fiona, we are alone now and will always be til we die.

[zenemu]

In general people can only change themselves, and they need to want to. Support from others is often an essential element in change though as change is never an easy thing.

[Marco]

When I was sectioned my psychologist (Dr Jolly) said that I have to go along with the group. If I rebel I will get thrown out. I really wanted to get rid of the depression and dependency on others. When I left the nuthouse I was a totally different man.

[MM]

agree what everybodies said here especially zen. Often you need help to change and its very hard on your own

[Dappadee]

Although I agree that you are best to concentrate on changing yourself; there are some things that you can't change about yourself - the wiring in your head for example. In those cases, I find it best to change your environment to better suit you. That is what I have done and it's working out pretty well for me.

[MM]

No your right you cant change the wiring in your head but you can create new nerological pathways that can give aspies new skills that they thought they could never get before.

[Dappadee]

Oh for sure; I simply meant that changing yourself is sometimes not the best strategy. I think that most folks - myself included - go through a process of cost/benefit analysis to decide what they want to change, what they don't and what doesn't really matter in the grand scheme of things. After doing so, you may find that things you thought you needed to change are simply not worth the effort when measured against making a change to your environment.

For example: I decided that learning to cope with the constant interruptions, meetings and other social aspects of my job would require more effort, stress and unhappiness than I could deal with; with that in mind I decided that the best choice for my future happiness was to switch careers and do something that I cared about. In other words the change in environment was easier and more conducive to my happiness than trying to change me.

[Nie]

based on what you two have been saying you can agree that:

We can learn new things within the bounds of our limitations; However, just because we can means we must, instead we will when we must.

[Dappadee]

That looks pretty good to me.....where do I sign? 

[MM]

I agree dapedee

[Dappadee]

A poet and you don't even know it.

[MM]

A poet and you don't even know it.

 

[Nie]

Maybe I should start my own fan club. That would be some change worth noting for me