love with no sex

[zenemu]

yes, but your example were about people who are forced into it though. people who are actually capable of it and normally do do it, then foregoing the act on ones own will for the sake of the lover is something else too

Indeed I am, simply because in an average relationship neither partner would "choose" to go without sex. It is after all a natural biological urge for both genders. However what I am talking about is that if one of these conditions occurs then one partner is choosing to go without sex for the sake of his/her partner out of love and with will power - as they simply could just go elsewhere. So I’m not entirely certain which point you are actually trying ro make or what the difference is?

If you are talking about one partner having a purely psychological aversion to sex, then yeah, actually that is pretty common too and in most cases that partner would choose a form of therapy to help overcome that aversion for the benefit of their partner - partner is the key word there, as a partnership often requires compromise on both sides.

If those issues couldn't be worked out - then sure, not everyone would have it  in them to remain with that person (that is not a gender issue - it is equally true of men and women), but for the right person, I believe that many would.

[Nie]

well i have been on one relationship where the person is just difficult to deal with when it comes to sex and its really better not to do it at all and merely just get stressed out of it, so yeah those types I guess do exist and maybe its some psycho thing, I dont know what really and I have never dealt with such before... ever its just... blows my mind off.

hey zen, straight question for you. can you be in a relationship(not friends ok lovers) where the person is 'biologically' incapable of having sex with you, not chemically ok? and youre not gonna run off to some other person for sex. youve done it for sure, so I guess you would know what youre missing here and its like... damn right it could be forever

[zenemu]

hey zen, straight question for you. can you be in a relationship(not friends ok lovers) where the person is 'biologically' incapable of having sex with you, not chemically ok? and youre not gonna run off to some other person for sex. youve done it for sure, so I guess you would know what youre missing here and its like... damn right it could be forever

If it was for the right person, yes I think I could. I won't pretend it would be easy though.

[Nie]

That felt like honesty for me, Zen.

[TheException]

http://www.asexuality.org

I'm asexual, meaning I don't experience sexual attraction. I also have little sexual desire. I've had two relationship and haven't had sex in either of them (I did have foreplay in the first one, which I enjoyed). I loved and still do love both of my previous partners.

Sex can occur without love. Casual sex, one night stands, prostitutes, etc. It stands to reason, and evidence, that love can also exist without sex.


(I define sex as genital contact in some way)

[Zara]

Again just a simple question. Can you stay in a relationship thats just all love and everything that makes it good, but there cannot be any sex in your relationship?

If one we're to ask or wonder what sex exactly means here, which things and acts it include, just take it as what it means to you.

It would feel like an incomplete relationship at best. It would be more like a close friends thing, like a brotherly/sisterly kind of relationship. Might be fine for some people, but for others it would be a mentally draining.

I don't think I'd make it a relationship knowing that there is a limit as to how one can express their love. Sex is a part of that to me.
I've kind of been in places like that before and as someone on the spectrum, I find it mentally and emotionally draining to understand where I stand with someone in relationship terms. Sexual interest is a big indicator to me and lack of it would just tell me the person just isn't that "into" me.

[dhpmathmusic]

I guess I'm a male pervert with this one.  My answer is not for me.  I happen to like sex, but it has to be with only the woman I love.  Sorry - no one night stands or cheating with me.  I am NOT a wham-bam-thank you mam kind of guy (i.e. have sex with the woman then leave). 

[Nie]

ok nevermind i was jsut overly stressed out...

[dhpmathmusic]

It's okay, Nie; if anyone knows about stress - it's me, having an anxiety/major depression disorder in addition to having Asperger's Syndrome.  I say this to try to convey to you that I understand how you feel.  Relationships of any kind are a strange, uncharted, scary territory for me, as I have never had a relationship with a woman before (and I'm not interested in men (I'm straight)); so I can only relate.  I hope things improve for you, Nie. 

[Aspergers Girl]

I can live without sex. I could in a relationship also. But not without mutual respect and love.

[LondonAspie]

New bod here, hello all. If I were to describe my type of Aspieness in Latin it would be mathematicus geekius.

Anyway, to the question: I agree entirely with AspergersGirl on this - I've been in relationships before which were 90% physical in which there was 10% of love and respect but I'd much rather be in a relationship where the balance were much the other way.

From another perspective, there was a good article in the Guardian today ((Saturday) a UK newspaper) about someone recently diagnosed which, with your permission, I've posted below in italics.

I'm 50 and was diagnosed last year. Before then, I had no idea why social interaction was so hard. I thought everybody else had the same difficulties, but had overcome them. What strength of will they must have, I thought – look how easily they make eye contact; I must have a bad attitude, I simply can't be trying hard enough.

Decades ago, I learned to pretend I was coping by developing a passive, quiet exterior. I would still, when I plucked up the courage, expend enormous mental effort trying and failing to make conversation, while attempting to micro-manage disastrously inappropriate body language: standing too close, awkward gestures and a mask-like expression.

Now, I feel more lonely than ever. Diagnosis has brought increased self-knowledge, but it doesn't make things easier. Even now, I generally cannot think of a single thing to say; except, that is, for the painfully idiosyncratic responses that jam my brain.

How can they interact with each other so unselfconsciously, inhabit their lives so fully, be so comfortable in their own skin? I have tried and tried, but I cannot comprehend what life must be like for them.

I like people, I long to have friends and, most of all, to be in a relationship. The bottom line is, human beings were not meant to have to live like this. Social interaction is a basic human need.


Thanks for reading guys - and thanks AspergersGirl for setting up the site.

[Nie]

darn it math, we need to get you a woman.

do you know of anyone that ehm youre attracted to at this point that is single or not in a relationship?

LondonAspie
You know that makes me think, what is it actually that aspie's find difficult in dealing with regular humans? You know maybe i should jsut ask that in a separate place, of its own